The Unavoidable Nature of Regret | According to Kierkegaard

Image: Poet by Henri Martin (Public domain)

What if regrets are inevitable? According to the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, regret is entirely unavoidable. “Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way,” wrote Kierkegaard.

In Either/Or: A Fragment of Life, Kierkegaard explained,

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations — one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it — you will regret both.

Kierkegaard called it — “The essence of philosophy.”

My interview with Oliver Burkeman (author of Four Thousand Weeks) revealed a few important lessons about time management. Burkeman stressed,

Four Thousand Weeks is yet another book about making the best use of time. But it is written in the belief that time management as we know it has failed miserably and that we need to stop pretending otherwise.

There are some harsh truths we need to accept about time. “The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short.” writes Burkeman. Although that isn’t a reason for despair… It’s a cause for relief. You get to give up on something that was always impossible — the quest to become the optimized, infinitely capable person you’re officially supposed to be.

“The day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control — when the flood of emails has been contained; when your to-do lists have stopped getting longer; when you’re meeting all your obligations.” — Oliver Burkeman

Take this idea from the entrepreneur Derek Sivers, “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” Although in reality, there isn’t enough time for all the items in the “Hell Yeah” category. Time is an opportunity cost, meaning every yes is a no to something else.

In my interview with Dr. Dilip Jeste (author of Wiser), he explained,

At the end of life, there can often be a final clarity. During this time, people tend to become increasingly selective about what’s meaningful in life and how they should spend their dwindling days.

As finite beings, our inability to do everything leads to regret. Similarly, our inability to predict the outcome of paths (or choices) we didn’t take leaves us asking — what-if types of questions.

In an interview towards the end of his life, Christopher Hitchens remarked, “One is always going to regret something; you have to decide in advance what it will be.”

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